


Absence of Fear

by theagonyofblank



Category: Heroes - Fandom
Genre: F/F, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-08-05
Updated: 2008-08-05
Packaged: 2017-10-21 21:50:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/230231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theagonyofblank/pseuds/theagonyofblank
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hana is ten when the world explodes around her in a flash of white light.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Absence of Fear

**Author's Note:**

> There’s been a slight time warp, if I’m not mistaken, but I hope that doesn’t impair your reading too much. It would also help if you’ve read the comics, but it’s not absolutely necessary. **SPOILER FOR 2x03 KINDRED, as well as 'The Death of Hana Gitelman, Part 2' comic.**

**i.**

Hana is ten when the world explodes around her in a flash of white light.

It takes her five seconds to realize that her side hurts, and another five to realize that she’s lying on the ground, the hot sun beating on her back and the smell of charred metal filling the air.

All around her she can hear groans, and when she pushes to her feet all that she sees is fire and destruction.

Her hands are bleeding, her left leg feels weak, and her heart is pounding frantically in her chest.

She calls out for her mother and grandmother and finds them both lying a few feet away. She sits beside them patiently, waiting for either to awaken, but neither of them does.

When they’ve all been carted off to the hospital, Hana faints and doesn’t wake up until six months later.

It takes her six years before she gets on another bus again.

 **ii.**

Hana is thirteen when her father sends her to see a psychologist.

It’s utterly boring and pointless, and Hana tries her best to humour the man but it’s never enough.

One day he plans an exercise for her, and asks for her to trust him – as well as the other kids who will catch her as she falls backwards. He promises they will have her back, and although she is not reassured she does it anyway.

She has to start trusting sometime, right?

The children all step back as she falls, and they snigger when she lands in the mud.

She doesn’t feel anything but rage, rage at herself and rage at the psychologist.

She doesn’t return for her next appointment.

 **iii.**

Hana is eighteen when she joins the army.

She tries enlisting as a paratrooper, but her request is denied – something about her heart not being in the right place, which is the worst excuse she’s ever heard.

So instead she’s placed into the Mossad. Her job is important but mundane, and though she rises quickly in the ranks, she is decidedly unhappy.

Her escape from this routine life comes in the form of a man named Bennet, who claims he’s from the CIA, and it doesn’t take long before she’s close to trusting him.

Trust never comes, however, as it turns out Bennet was lying.

He was never from the CIA.

She’s scared of being hurt again, and decides right then that the solution is never to let anyone close.

Trusting is for the weak.

 **iv.**

Hana is twenty-five when she meets Candice.

It’s all business, but somewhere in between they’ve managed to find a common ground, and when they meet it’s all coy smiles and secret touches.

She’s never felt this way before, ever, her heart soaring and fingers tingling with every sensation.

She doesn’t understand this feeling, but it’s easy to hide it away under the pretense of being preoccupied.

The lines become blurred when Candice kisses her on the lips.

She’s inexperienced but not stupid. She knows what this means.

They’re on different sides of this war, they _cannotshouldnotwillnot_ , but then Candice pulls her in, draws her close, and the rush that courses through her is pleasant yet so very dangerous at the same time.

She allows herself a moment, then pulls away.

This has to end.

 **v.**

Hana is a week shy of twenty-seven when she receives the news.

Candice is dead, killed by Sylar, and really, what had she expected?

None of them were supposed to live very long.

But the pain that courses through her is familiar and fresh, and though she doesn’t react except to nod curtly when she first hears it, she later runs to the bathroom and locks herself in.

Only then does she cry.

When she finally emerges two hours later, she doesn’t say a word to anyone.

Her world feels like it’s been ripped apart, and nobody can understand this because she hasn’t spoken a word to Candice in almost two years.

She doesn’t expect them to understand that she never stopped loving her.

Doesn’t expect them to understand that this is what she was afraid of.

Life without Candice is different from life with Candice, even though Hana never had much of a life with Candice to begin with.

Still, there is a subtle difference in knowing what may be and what can never happen.

Hana learned that the day Candice died.

 **vi.**

Hana is three months past twenty-seven when she dies.

It’s not at all peaceful, but she’s never thought she would die peacefully.

There’s an insistent buzzing in her ears, blocking out her thoughts, and as she clings on to the spaceship for dear life, she realizes that her nose is bleeding as well.

It hurts, it hurts like hell, but she grits her teeth and bears it.

Her life doesn’t flash before her eyes like all the books said it would.

The buzzing stops, and it’s quiet for a minute.

Blissfully quiet.

The stars twinkle almost merrily around her as she speeds towards her impending doom.

She’s traveled so far, seen so many things.

Now all that’s left for her is the unknown.

That’s the only path Hana can take, and that’s what frightens her the most.

But she closes her eyes and tries to clear her mind.

If she’s going to go, she’s going to go out with a bang and a smile on her face.

That’s all there is to it.


End file.
